So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
