You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
