the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
