He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
