Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
