I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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