Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
