Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
