Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
