Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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