all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had to cum in my sink.
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