I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
