I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
