Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
