FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
