I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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