I hate your face
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
