We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
