Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
