I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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