Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
