Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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