i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
