Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
