YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
