this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
