I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
