seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize