So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
