and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
