You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
