guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize