and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
