Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she pinky promised me she was 18
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
