Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
