I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
