I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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