No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
