How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
