So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
