I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
