It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he puts the penis in happiness.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
