Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
