So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Small penises have feelings too.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
