never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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