i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I had to cum in my sink.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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