When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
