Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
