The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
