I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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