Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
