I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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