k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have post one night stand depression
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