its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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