my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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