out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
