3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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