Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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