Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
