just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
