Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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