Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
