Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
