a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
