Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
