i don't like sucking hair
I hate all girls vehemently.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
