I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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